"Rubber Ducky you’re the one, you make bath time so much fun." Old man Leroy chuckled to himself. "Why would anyone take a bath in the tub when they have a perfectly good kitchen sink. I swear people these days."Old man Leroy had been bathing in the sink since he was a little bean sprout. He grabbed his towel, and slipped into his yellow Speedo. He started the sink up and looked outside. Little Johnny from across the street had brought out his little red wagon. He had his helmet on and was pushing the wagon to the top of the hill. Before Old Man Leroy knew what was happening little Johnny had jumped in the wagon and sped down the hill. Old man Leroy ran out of his house and saw little Johnny crying on the ground. "Hahahahahahahah." the neighborhood boys were pointing and laughing. Why were they laughing at a crying boy? Old man Leroy thought to himself. He turned around and noticed they were pointing at him. He looked down and realized , he was still wearing his speedo!!! Old man Leroy chuckled to himself. At least he was wearing something!!
You set this up very nicely! I like how Leroy's first thought was that everyone was laughing at Johnny. It adds a little depth to your piece.
ReplyDeleteThe light-hearted reaction at the end works very well for your story, but it also seems to give your introduction closure. In future hooks, consider the possibility of ending the hook with something that will leave the reader with questions. This will help to make the reader want to know more.